Karate
by Kurai Hitokiri
Summary: My name's Link Greene, and let me tell you that karate class can be a bit confusing sometimes. We pretty much go insane... I only wish I could tell Zelda how much I like her in between fighting off my crazy classmates.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or any of these characters

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or any of these characters. If I did then the characters would actually speak and it'd be full of music and angst, blood, and intense gore.

**Author's Note:** Hello, my name is Kurai Hitokiri. I wrote this story after a bout of insomnia, and I think it came out pretty cute. I wanted to write a nice Zelda and Link piece while I finish up **The Courtship**'s next chapter. My friends wanted me to write another semi-hilarious story, so here it is, in all its glory. Right now most of my friends are falling in love or going through the 'love phase' in life, well except for me, oh wait, I'm in love with WRITING! I hope you enjoy this, see ya at the end!

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**Karate**

By Kurai Hitokiri

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Karate is probably the ONLY thing that I do during the summer since it's so damn hot. Really, who would want to go out and do stuff in about 109 degree weather? Well I'm not putting a foot outside, not even if you pay me a thousand rupees!

It's just fun to hang out or fight with your friends. It relieves the stress and all that Jazz. You stressed? Don't try those dopey acupuncture sessions (I'm not saying that they're NOT good) or a massage, try kicking someone's butt for a change! The Endorphins give you the best frickin' natural high and confidence that you have to pay for!

And it ain't too bad that when you practice holds you get to bear hug a few beautiful girls. Trust me, that's where it REAAALLY pays off, my friends. Especially when I can hold my crush Zelda in a bear hug as tight as I dare without getting scolded for it.

My name is Link Greene, the certified 'serious joe' of the Young Champions karate class in Kakariko village. I'm about seventeen, due to be a SENIOR at Hyrule High (oh yeah, baby! GLORY TO THE GODDESSES!!) a retired band geek in the making.

Yes, I quit the bloody band. Sue me if you will, but I'll tell you something: it feels damn good to be out of band. Now I have more time for other stuff like karate. Let me tell you, it's been really great on my muscles.

Anyway, enough of that. Anyway, let me get into the insane stuff we do in karate. You're gonna be kinda… surprised that so much can happen in one lesson.

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29…30. That's enough on this leg, switch to the other and stretch that one out… 1, 2, 3…

The only part of karate that sucks is probably the stretching. But I'd rather do a bit of stretching than end up with something twisted or broken, wouldn't you?

Today I'm sweating bullets in a gym with wrecked air conditioning, wearing a black tank top with the Young Champions logo stretched across the front (karate student in mid kick as logo… long story…) a pair of long black pants, brown black belt tied about my waist.

Wow, wearing all black with about 109 degrees worth of sun shining down on my poor back. What a way to spend a weekend, huh? I still stand by what I said by this being good for you, but I hate the weather. Is that so bad to complain about?

Of course we've complained to Sensei Rauru, but all he says in response is "it's good for sweating out the toxins in your body. Are you or are you not Martial Artists, my children?"

Says the guy that wears a bleach white Gi. I'd like to see him actually move instead of sitting on the counter, staring at us with his beady little eyes and yelling at us to pick up the pace on the moves.

I got fairly quick to my feet, stretching my arms lazily while staring up at the netted ceiling, counting the number of balls that the basketball tea had lost. Wait… chills running down my spine… something is…

"PREPARE TO DIE, LINK GREENE!!"

Ohhh Lord, here he is again. Get ready for the nutcase, Link…

Red headed Ganon Dragmire is running at me, all gung ho that he can beat me. The moron has been trying to beat me for the past few years, but he can't seem to get it through his tiny brain that _I_ reign the gym around here. He's always relying on these weird books on different techniques to beat me… and today…

"GERUDO HEADBUTT OF DOOM!!"

Yep, another dumb move. Well, since he's just charging like a bull, I guess this is my chance to get rid of the little nasty at last.

I took a deep breath, cracking my neck and fists as I slowly brought my hands before me, poised to grab the bull by the horns. Behind a thick lock of shaggy blonde hair I could see Ganon's form rapidly approaching… focus… manipulate your Ki to your legs and tense arm muscles for the oncoming stress and…

"Hey Link," a soft, gentle voice said shyly from somewhere to my right.

Oh my God, it's Zelda! She's wearing her tanktop today too! And wow, she always looks so radiant and nice… just look at those Goddess carved features and that beautiful, silky blonde hair. Wait, why are her violet eyes so full of horror...

It was then I realized Ganon was within meters of me as I stared blankly at my crush, still charging in that wild way of his and just being the usual maniac… Oh shoot.

Within moments Ganon's head caught into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and sending me sprawling across the gym, a degrading little squeak leaving my lips. My body met the ground with a sickening sort of cracking sound, landing face first on the hard cement.

Ohhh God, I can't believe the little fidget actually got away with nearly K.O.ing me. And it actually HURTS, which is the most pride wounding thing about this whole experience…

I was actually beat by the lunatic.

I'm gonna pound his little face in.

Wait a second, someone's touching me… "Link, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt, are you okay?!"

Looking up weakly and holding my nose with a trembling hand, I see Zelda kneeling next to me, looking into my eyes with the most sincere form of worry I have seen in someone's eyes in years. Her blonde hair is working free from its clip, falling into her violet eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay," I managed to weakly stutter out. Man, she makes me feel like putty. She could probably ask me to jump off of a cliff for her and I would gladly do it like this. Heck, I could take arrows for her and still bow to her greatness.

"Y-your nose," Zelda gasped. Ohh shoot, blood… next thing I know she's grabbing me up and dragging me to the water fountain. As we walked I looked back and saw Ganon doing a funky little party dance.

The guy needs lessons.

I washed out my nose quickly, trying to maintain what little dignity I had intact. During all this Zelda is staring guiltily at the floor, a bit of red staining her cheeks… Is she blushing or is it just because of the heat?

"I-I'm so sorry for doing that, Link," Zelda said softly, looking up into my eyes. "I didn't know that Ganon was going to do that to you, would you forgive me, please?"

"Of course, there was no harm done," I said, fighting the trembling note in my voice. She's making me feel so woozy… my God; I can hardly believe that Zelda's actually talking to ME outside of class. Alleluia, maybe having your nose nearly broken isn't as bad as I thought it was. Maybe it was a blessing!

We both stand there for a second, fidgeting nervously and staring at the ground. Okay, here goes nothing… I gotta ask her out or else I'm gonna die. I will not go off to college without at least dating Zelda once. After all, long distance relationships are very-

I watched too many chick-flicks… curse you, Aryll; you just HAD to change it to WE last night. Now I have Pride and Prejudice stuck in my head and Jane Austen on the brain.

My mouth was about to open, my courage already gathered when a loud yell broke my concentration.

Sensei Rauru was sparring against Sheik Shadow, the fastest kid in our entire dojo as well as one of the oldest upper belts. Sensei's hands were fast, almost liquid in speed while Sheik easily dodged and parried almost every move that the old man threw at him.

The yell had come from Sensei's latest kick: he had thrown Sheik against a pillar of hard stone. What happened next I would never forget…

The stone smashed into little itty bits, the infrastructure of the building totally naked.

Did MY SENSEI, the man who sits at the table eating Twinkies half the lesson, the man who had just intended this to be a sparring lesson… Did he just break a pillar of dry wall like a little cookie?!

As my jaw nearly dropped to the floor, Zelda had rushed off to see if Sensei's foot was alright, leaving me in the dust.

So much for asking her out.

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I spent the class in a funk, beating up kid after kid just to comfort myself. What little good did that do?! I didn't really care about all this…

All I wanted was MY chance to ask out Zelda without being interrupted.

I tried during break… Malon started singing the Super Mario theme song when I was on the subject of dating and asking her. Sheik limped over for first aid when I was sparring with Zellie.

So really, I had given up by then. It was HOPELESS. I wasn't going to succeed… So I took it all out on the poor little kids.

I stopped so many from running out into the street that night in terror of me that it's not funny. I guess I really can be a jerk when I put my mind to it. Wow, I'm so glad I can be cruel to little children.

If you just took that sentence seriously, you need to go sign up for a nice straight jacket. It'll help you cope with your insane reality of true loneliness. Well, maybe I should get one too because at this rate I'll die before I get a date with Zelda Harkinian. But at least I can hug myself…

I was packing up for the day at karate, chugging a blue Powerade Zero whilst staring at the wall. My Health teacher had banned us from drinking 'garbage' but you know what I say to that? Yumm, blue dye #1 never tasted so good. And you know what? Tomorrow I'm gonna eat a Poptart in front of her and there's nothing she can do. At least it'll boost my self confidence several levels…

Then Gannypoo comes up to me, drenched in sweat and grinning as he holds out a green hand for my precious Powerade.

"Drink please, Loser," he said, grinning.

Ohhh, normally I would say no, but I'm in such a foul mood at this guy that I can hardly resist…

"Drink this, Green boy," I said bitterly, splashing Powerade at his ugly face.

Ganny hissed in anger, almost sprouting horns at me. Ohh yeah, that felt good. "Curse you, Link Greene. You will not get away with this!"

What are you, a super villain?

He grabbed Powerade off the counter and opened the cap, throwing the fluid at me. Well, at the time, I knew a lot better, so I moved out of the way on instinct, the liquid instead hitting…

Mido. Ohhh shoot, he's gonna be soooo mad. EVERYONE DUCK AND COVER!

I don't know what happened after, but soon Powerade was flying through the air, wetting everyone in the dojo as screams emitted at almost inhuman frequencies. Blue, purple, green, red, orange… you name it, the color was probably there.

Zelda was caught in the midst of the colorful spray, hunched over and sopping in brown mixture. She wasn't doing anything, just fighting the mist and trembling in slight fear over the now empty flying bottles that seemed to rain upon her.

As quickly as I dared, I ran through the fluid rainbow and grabbed her up, closing my eyes slightly and rushing toward the nearest exit.

As I put her down, Zelda gave a huge sigh of relief, grinning up at me happily and throwing her arms around me.

"Oh Link, thank you so much! I love you!"

The words sent a surprised jolt through my body as I absorbed what had been said with wide eyes. Zelda must've realized she said it to, because she withdrew from the hug, hand placed over her mouth and eyes wide.

"O-oh I-I'm s-so sorry, but you know, I-I like you as a friend… i-it slipped out…"

And as she rambles on and on, I can only look at that beautiful, angelic face of hers. Her face is tinged green from the throws, and her clothing sticking to every curve… my Goddesses, she may have been doused in sport's drink, but I really didn't care. In fact, this was the last straw.

Without her permission I grabbed her gently by the shoulders, silencing her protests underneath a kiss.

I could feel her stiffen and shake slightly under my touch, and for a moment I was almost certain I had done something wrong. That was, until she relaxed and began to respond, wrapping her arms about my neck as I pulled her closer to me.

Her lips were so warm and soft… so glorious in the way that they fit mine perfectly. It was almost incredible… So many emotions welling up at once in my stomach and pouring forth as the kiss increased in passion. It was like the puzzle had finally been completed.

Eventually we drew apart, heaving for air and yet still unable to let go…

Her eyes looked into mine, and for a moment it looked like she was gonna apologize for kissing me, but a single finger against her lips and a wry smile later she stopped, staring into my cobalt eyes.

I spoke as best I could, finding my voice for the first time since I had brought her out into that hallway.

"Shhh… it's okay… I love you too."

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**Author's Note:** Wow, that was actually pretty different to write. This is an AU Zelda piece, and I have to admit that I am experimenting because I think my next Zelda piece is pretty much going to be Modern Day Hyrule. I hope you enjoyed this, please review!

**Dedicated to my buddy Tetra:**

**Thank you for being such a great pal!**


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